I feel a bit like an idiot

[stormkeeper_lovedoris]

I'm not sure quite how I feel right now. I'm at a 4 day planning meeting with my department and - long story short - there are very icky group dynamics and I've never felt that I fit in too well with these folks. Today at dinner they asked me to join them afterwards at the bar, something that I never do because: 1) I'm not a drinker, hardly ever drink booze, and 2) the group dynamics are icky, like I said. I don't know why I agreed to join them at the bar; maybe it was because I was happy that they asked and deep down I do want to fit in.

So long story short, I joined them, drank too much, made somewhat of an ass of myself. Maybe not a total ass but a partial ass. Everyone was friendly and smiling but in my gut I don't feel this went well.

One of them did say that I was always welcome to join them and never had to drink booze, that I could just have water. That was nice.

Well, done is done. Hopefully my credibility isn't too shot with this group. And like I said, I never fit in that well to start with so...how much worse could it be?

I guess I'll see tomorrow.

Comments

[selve.livejournal.com]

I seriously doubt that your credibility is shot. It's fairly common for coworkers drink together--builds "team morale." Or something. I don't think anyone thought the worse of you, given what you've told us.

Just a thought: maybe you're a bit conflicted over wanting to fit in with a bunch of people you don't particularly like, and now you have regrets about letting your guard down, especially considering the icky dynamics.

[stormkpr.livejournal.com]

Hey, cool new icon!

You know, I think you make a good point. Maybe the weird feeling in my gut was more a response to diving into those negative group dynamics and even compromising myself a bit (normally I don't drink) as an attempt to fit in. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think that was the cause of my malaise last night.

You're very insightful!

[selve.livejournal.com]

Hey, cool new icon!

Thanks! I did one for each of the Misfits playing their instruments (Pizzazz with mike).

You're very insightful!

I'm glad to have been of help. Sometimes just getting to the bottom of what's bothering you goes a long way towards dispelling that weird feeling.

Office negativity sucks harder than most anything else, and I'm sorry you have to be subjected to it. *hugs*