I feel a bit like an idiot

[stormkeeper_lovedoris]

I'm not sure quite how I feel right now. I'm at a 4 day planning meeting with my department and - long story short - there are very icky group dynamics and I've never felt that I fit in too well with these folks. Today at dinner they asked me to join them afterwards at the bar, something that I never do because: 1) I'm not a drinker, hardly ever drink booze, and 2) the group dynamics are icky, like I said. I don't know why I agreed to join them at the bar; maybe it was because I was happy that they asked and deep down I do want to fit in.

So long story short, I joined them, drank too much, made somewhat of an ass of myself. Maybe not a total ass but a partial ass. Everyone was friendly and smiling but in my gut I don't feel this went well.

One of them did say that I was always welcome to join them and never had to drink booze, that I could just have water. That was nice.

Well, done is done. Hopefully my credibility isn't too shot with this group. And like I said, I never fit in that well to start with so...how much worse could it be?

I guess I'll see tomorrow.

Comments

[denisia.livejournal.com]

*hugs to you* I am sorry the group dynamics are icky! I can imagine that would make the meetings more challenging to say the least.

What a bummer about the incident at the bar. Try not to worry about it. As someone who doesn't imbibe that often, if anyone asks, you can laugh it off with a 'I guess it hit me harder than I thought it would.' 99.9% of people will understand that and won't think anything of it. Also, everyone has a "drunk story", so you're not alone.

Something else...remember that everyone else was indulging, and that what you remember may be a blurry or nonexistent memory to these folks in the morning. So what seems very embarrassing now might not even register with them tomorrow.

[stormkpr.livejournal.com]

Good points all around. I feel a bit better and less worried this morning now.

[sarahetc.livejournal.com]

Hopefully they're all adults and realize how things change when alcohol is involved. If not, it may be just a manifestation of that icky group dynamic an entirely alternate setting. Either way, you have a professional track record to call on, so don't hesitate to reinforce your performance should anyone question you.

[stormkpr.livejournal.com]

Either way, you have a professional track record to call on, so don't hesitate to reinforce your performance should anyone question you.

*nods* There's always that to fall back on. My performance always gets rated highly by the leadership of the department, so hopefully one night of me being tipsy in public can't damage a 10 year career.

[nytshd3.livejournal.com]

ok, what exactly happened? did you actually make an ass of yourself, or were you just feeling so self-conscious that you felt like something you did was a bigger deal than it was? i'm not at all trying to discredit how you're feeling, i just want you to keep things in perspective :) (*hugs*)

besides that, i can't speak for that group, but i hung out with people from work at a bar that i was never all that fond of, and their attitude seemed to be that going out drinking with the group, regardless of the actual behavior there, was a big thumbs up kewlnesswise.

and if they're snarky bastards... screw em. :) you rock and if they are too icky to realize that then who needs em.

[stormkpr.livejournal.com]

but i hung out with people from work at a bar that i was never all that fond of, and their attitude seemed to be that going out drinking with the group, regardless of the actual behavior there, was a big thumbs up kewlnesswise.

I'm kinda hoping that may be the case here. Not that I'm dying to be in the cool group -- won't happen here -- but hopefully the fact that I went at all will help.

As far as what I actually did, well I had a couple drinks, smiled and giggled a lot, and in general acted in ways that people act when they are very tipsy. Now that I've slept on it, I don't think I did anything too horrible but I definitely acted different than I usually do and much much sillier than usual. Hopefully yesterday wasn't career-damaging though I don't think it was career-helping either. On the other hand, maybe I will get points for hanging with the group for once instead of going back to my room as usual.

[nytshd3.livejournal.com]

thats it? i would say it would hurt your career if you took off your shirt and danced on the bar, or if you picked someone up and started making out with them, but if you were just tipsy and acting tipsy... you were out at a bar. just don't apologize about it cuz then it gives the impression that you did something wrong, and ya didnt. :)

[stormkpr.livejournal.com]

*nods* You're right. My behavior was goofy but I don't think it was so bad. This morning at the meeting, a few coworkers asked if I was ok, if I had a headache. But everyone was nice and about as cool as can be. So I'm fine.

[nytshd3.livejournal.com]

kewl beans :D

now whenever i get laid off and we have my leaving fs party you'll have to come to the bar n hang out n see what the non-corporate world is like when we go drinking together ;)

[selve.livejournal.com]

I seriously doubt that your credibility is shot. It's fairly common for coworkers drink together--builds "team morale." Or something. I don't think anyone thought the worse of you, given what you've told us.

Just a thought: maybe you're a bit conflicted over wanting to fit in with a bunch of people you don't particularly like, and now you have regrets about letting your guard down, especially considering the icky dynamics.

[stormkpr.livejournal.com]

Hey, cool new icon!

You know, I think you make a good point. Maybe the weird feeling in my gut was more a response to diving into those negative group dynamics and even compromising myself a bit (normally I don't drink) as an attempt to fit in. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I think that was the cause of my malaise last night.

You're very insightful!

[selve.livejournal.com]

Hey, cool new icon!

Thanks! I did one for each of the Misfits playing their instruments (Pizzazz with mike).

You're very insightful!

I'm glad to have been of help. Sometimes just getting to the bottom of what's bothering you goes a long way towards dispelling that weird feeling.

Office negativity sucks harder than most anything else, and I'm sorry you have to be subjected to it. *hugs*