I feel a bit like an idiot

[stormkeeper_lovedoris]

I'm not sure quite how I feel right now. I'm at a 4 day planning meeting with my department and - long story short - there are very icky group dynamics and I've never felt that I fit in too well with these folks. Today at dinner they asked me to join them afterwards at the bar, something that I never do because: 1) I'm not a drinker, hardly ever drink booze, and 2) the group dynamics are icky, like I said. I don't know why I agreed to join them at the bar; maybe it was because I was happy that they asked and deep down I do want to fit in.

So long story short, I joined them, drank too much, made somewhat of an ass of myself. Maybe not a total ass but a partial ass. Everyone was friendly and smiling but in my gut I don't feel this went well.

One of them did say that I was always welcome to join them and never had to drink booze, that I could just have water. That was nice.

Well, done is done. Hopefully my credibility isn't too shot with this group. And like I said, I never fit in that well to start with so...how much worse could it be?

I guess I'll see tomorrow.

Comments

[denisia.livejournal.com]

*hugs to you* I am sorry the group dynamics are icky! I can imagine that would make the meetings more challenging to say the least.

What a bummer about the incident at the bar. Try not to worry about it. As someone who doesn't imbibe that often, if anyone asks, you can laugh it off with a 'I guess it hit me harder than I thought it would.' 99.9% of people will understand that and won't think anything of it. Also, everyone has a "drunk story", so you're not alone.

Something else...remember that everyone else was indulging, and that what you remember may be a blurry or nonexistent memory to these folks in the morning. So what seems very embarrassing now might not even register with them tomorrow.

[sarahetc.livejournal.com]

Hopefully they're all adults and realize how things change when alcohol is involved. If not, it may be just a manifestation of that icky group dynamic an entirely alternate setting. Either way, you have a professional track record to call on, so don't hesitate to reinforce your performance should anyone question you.

[nytshd3.livejournal.com]

ok, what exactly happened? did you actually make an ass of yourself, or were you just feeling so self-conscious that you felt like something you did was a bigger deal than it was? i'm not at all trying to discredit how you're feeling, i just want you to keep things in perspective :) (*hugs*)

besides that, i can't speak for that group, but i hung out with people from work at a bar that i was never all that fond of, and their attitude seemed to be that going out drinking with the group, regardless of the actual behavior there, was a big thumbs up kewlnesswise.

and if they're snarky bastards... screw em. :) you rock and if they are too icky to realize that then who needs em.

[selve.livejournal.com]

I seriously doubt that your credibility is shot. It's fairly common for coworkers drink together--builds "team morale." Or something. I don't think anyone thought the worse of you, given what you've told us.

Just a thought: maybe you're a bit conflicted over wanting to fit in with a bunch of people you don't particularly like, and now you have regrets about letting your guard down, especially considering the icky dynamics.