Just some reflection

 
Just taking a moment to remind myself of some things. Namely what I must accept and what I can't control.

It's been about 9 days since Doris's mom fell and broke her femur. It's been rough. Doris managed to take about a day and a half off work, but most of her days have been spent:

1. Visiting her mom, including sleeping in the hospital room with her twice
2. Providing elder care to her dad. Pretty much the only thing he does is change his own diaper, thank god. But he needs help with meals and bathing
3. And doing Payroll for the business that her mom owns, which remarkably no one other than Doris and her mom know how to do. Not even her brother who actually works there. Tuesday and Wednesday, Doris went after her own job to do the Payroll and didn't get home till after midnight both nights. So she basically had like a 17+ hour work day both days.

I've been in full on "take a deep breath, you can't control it" mode. Because I can't. I think it's ridiculous that Doris has to spend so much time on her mom's business and that there's no one else who can do the Payroll. But apparently that is the situation and no one asked me for my advise. 

Doris's brother does help out some, especially with caring for their dad. He doesn't work at his day job nearly as much as Doris does at hers. And Doris's sister is flying in, scheduled to arrive late on Friday (tomorrow).

Today I started thinking about "drawing a line in the sand". So Doris and I have long since planned to go to a girls' night out dinner this Saturday, 2 weeks before Ann's wedding. I want Doris to come with me to this. Her sister will be in town to handle elder care. Doris could use a fun night out. And it's tapas, and she likes tapas. So I am gearing up to make the pitch to her that she should come.

But here's the thing. I have no control over the outcome. I can't command her to go. With her sister in town, she might feel pressured to go there on Saturday. And she is working at her day job on Saturday, so she might just be too tired to go. (Though I have to believe that Doris is tired and could sure use a night in, she insists she's fine and she wants to do all this). So I need to adjust my thinking. What would be the purpose of drawing a line in the sand and insisting she go to this? I can't 'make' her do it and me insisting might just make her feel bad.

So maybe I leave it at this: lay out the reasons why I think going is a swell idea. Then see what she says. Detach from the outcome; you can't control it anyway.