I debated a while whether or not to leave this comment. It's not exactly concrit (not detailed enough), but a bit in that direction, and I hope that's okay.
Okay. So. I like the backstory, I do. Even though I'm fond of the demon-from-another-dimension spiel (because, power, mystery, exoticism, danger...), but having him be a mortal who, despite coming from a different cultural background, is a mutant and as stuck in this hostile world as Riptide is, that is making the relationship... mh, not easier (though that too), but more... likely? Possible? Believable. And more equal - it's the one thing I never like about human/vampire relationships, that imbalance of power between a relatively inexperienced, weak two-decades-old mortal and a superstrong and -fast millennia old immortal with the confidence and knowledge of his years.
The format, the 2nd-person POV, though, I'm afraid doesn't work for me. Maybe because I imagine Emma's mindprobe by default to be digging through memories and emotions, not this kind of inner dialogue.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2011-07-08 02:04 pm (UTC)Okay. So. I like the backstory, I do. Even though I'm fond of the demon-from-another-dimension spiel (because, power, mystery, exoticism, danger...), but having him be a mortal who, despite coming from a different cultural background, is a mutant and as stuck in this hostile world as Riptide is, that is making the relationship... mh, not easier (though that too), but more... likely? Possible? Believable. And more equal - it's the one thing I never like about human/vampire relationships, that imbalance of power between a relatively inexperienced, weak two-decades-old mortal and a superstrong and -fast millennia old immortal with the confidence and knowledge of his years.
The format, the 2nd-person POV, though, I'm afraid doesn't work for me. Maybe because I imagine Emma's mindprobe by default to be digging through memories and emotions, not this kind of inner dialogue.