stormkeeper_lovedoris

Seeking Peace by Mary Pipher – This is the second book I’ve read by Mary Pipher and I guess I have to say that I really enjoy her writing. Somehow the book is comforting and relatable and insightful and intriguing. This is Pipher’s memoir, and with the way she writes, there’s never a dull spot. The part I found most interesting and useful happens when she is about 40. Her life is generally quite happy and then she writes a best-seller, and her life changes: she hits the road to promote it, and she writes several more books, some of which also become best-sellers, some of which do not. She didn’t love life on the road, and in fact all the travel led her to something of a breakdown. I totally, totally related to what she wrote about even though I’ve never traveled as much as she did. But she captures just the mix of melancholy and irritation being on the road entails: you’re away from home, the hotel room is too hot or too cold, the flight is delayed, your muscles are aching. Pipher understands that compared to the suffering of many people on this planet, this stuff is small – and yet it’s disquieting to experience too, especially when one already has a life and community at home that one loves. (She has also experienced some truly horrible – in my estimation - stuff during her travels too such as being trapped in an elevator for five hours (!!!) and a taxi driver who was clearly on drugs and nearly got them both killed). Pipher eventually has something of a breakdown and she has to build herself back up, learning to take care of herself and letting others do so too. Like I said, her story both interesting and useful. My only complaint about the book is its last two chapters: they read like one of my DW posts. (LOL) I love the author and I’m glad she is enjoying life and focusing on gratitude, but yeah – the last two chapters with their long descriptions of good times with her family and friends really needed to be edited down or out. Grade: 7

Everything I Have Is Yours by Eleanor Henderson – Two memoirs in a row, and this one even more remarkable than the previous. Henderson marries young, and her husband soon seems to undergo all sorts of problems: mental health issues, substance abuse, and myriad physical problems that doctors can’t seem to diagnose or treat. This book could have been a slog but instead it’s 400 pages of “can’t put it down, what the hell happens next??” As the reviews on the back say, it’s candid and it’s raw, and you get a peek behind the curtain of someone’s marriage. And as another reviewer says “I dare you to put it down.” I need to add that I began reading a paper copy of the book from the library. The next day I went to the office, and it was not a busy day and I had about 90 minutes free in between meetings. I couldn’t help it. I reached for my library’s e-reader app on my phone, saw that the book was available for download, nearly yelped with happiness, and I finished reading it on my phone. I literally never do that. I should add that one complaint I do have is that I wish the author had told her story chronologically, instead of skipping around in time; that normally drives me crazy, but still this memoir is incredible. Grade: 8

And….a third memoir. I can’t help it. You know, I think my two favorite types of books are memoirs and fiction, but I seem to find way way way more memoirs I love than fiction I love! Thus my book reports are often filled with great memoirs.

This Body I Wore by Diana Goetsch – This is a beautifully-written and absorbing memoir by a trans woman. I just loved hearing about her life. Goetsch starts out with snippets from her adulthood in the 80s when she identifies as a cross-dressing man instead of a trans woman. She then takes us back in time to her upbringing with parents who are unloving and neglectful. We then journey with her to present day as she comes out, transitions, and searches for love and acceptance. All of it was worth a read, every NYC club she visited in the 80s seeking community, every ‘failed’ romance, the mentor who utters an anti-trans remark unaware that Goetsch is trans. The author is a bit bitter at times and that can make for a rough read at times, but it’s understandable. Still this is an incredible memoir that I polished off in just a couple days. Grade: 8

Five Little Indians by Michelle Good – A novel taking place circa the 1960s and in flashbacks, about five indigenous people who were forced, as children, into Christian boarding schools where they were abused and neglected. It opens with one of them running away from the horrific place, and it goes on to tell the intertwined stories of these five survivors. The writing is amateurish (with misplaced modifiers and just basic level writing), the dialog is cringe, and the plot is predictable and repetitive (a survivor blows their gasket and beats up their jerk boss, even though that just happened with another survivor in the previous chapter. Then it happens AGAIN with another survivor beating up a different jerk. These survivors are tough!) Great concept for a novel but it needed to be written by a more skilled writer. This felt like something I could have written. Grade: 2

Blood Orange Night by Melissa Bond – I have so much to say about this book! Well, let me start with the basics. It’s a memoir about a woman who struggled through her pregnancies, had serious insomnia, was prescribed benzos (AKA benzodiazepines like Ativan and Xanax) and goes through absolute hell to kick her addiction to them. She emphasizes that it is a physical addiction – benzos rewire your brain. It’s not like she craved them; she was unable to function without them. And doctors in the US give them out like candy. Horrifying. (Lots of celebs, like Justin Bieber as one example, have suffered under these drugs). And since in the US we don’t bother to regulate the drug industry, we get lots of addicts.

So here’s what I wanted say about this memoir. First, it’s readable and engrossing though I had to skim over some of the parts about insomnia.

But there are two things I really want to say. One: I can’t help but to compare it to “Everything I Have Is Yours”, above. In the former, the husband is very ill and the wife stands by his side through thick and thin, basically making it her full time job to keep him alive at the expense of – well – basically her own life. In “Blood Orange Night”, hubby begins to withdraw as soon as the wife (the author) is ill. He goes away on a vacation with the boys, confesses he “misbehaved”, doesn’t apologize, doesn’t ask her if her insomnia is any better. He’s like that the minute she starts to go down hill. The man does the bare minimum as his wife becomes addicted and then goes through a hellish, two-year recovery. Two books do not equal “men bad/women good” but plenty of evidence shows that this is how the dynamic usually plays out. If you are a sick heterosexual who is married, pray you are married to a woman and not a man. I wish men would do better, but I’ve been saying that for 49 years and it never changes.

Secondly, wow….I dodged a bullet! The author could’ve been me, and it very nearly was. Here’s a bit about my story. In the 90s, I was in my early 20s and I hit a very minor rough patch. Had a few panicky days, had some minor anxiety and sleeping probs. In retrospect, it was all so minor. A doctor put me on Xanax. To her credit, she put me on the lowest dose. BUT SHE NEVER TOLD ME YOU SHOULDN’T TAKE IT FOR MORE THAN A WEEK OR TWO!! I don’t recall how long I was on it, but honestly I think it was at least a year. My dose was upped once. I do remember reaching a point where I decided to break the pills in half and slowly wean myself off it. And I did. I truly have no clue how or why I didn’t get addicted. Maybe the low dose saved me? (The author of this book was on Ativan and a very high dose. Getting off of it nearly kills her. She and hubby do get divorced, her kids seem ok, but she nearly died). Damn. This could’ve been me.

Grade: 8 (Grade for husbands who don’t care for their wives is 0).