Rollercoaster rides (Or "When I Am An Old Woman, I Shall Wear Purple")

[stormkeeper_lovedoris]

Had a great day at a rollercoaster park with my BFF today!

It was like 93 and sunny. We lasted longer than I'd dare hope. Rode lots of roller coasters and smaller rides, one water ride, and we saw a crappy IMAX movie.

I liberally applied and re-applied sunscreen but I have a few pink sections on my shoulders.

As fun as it was, I am tired. I'm waiting for 8:45 to arrive so I can go to bed. Remember, I get up at 4:40 most days. Really.

Oh, and wait! I had a liberating moment today, having to do with my physical appearance. I have thin, curly hair and pale skin. When it's this hot and humid, I can't wear make-up as it's just going to run off my face and I need to keep the sunscreen on. I put my mop of hair behind a headband and hoped for the best. There were plenty of teenage beauties there, but for one of the first times in my life, I didn't care that I'm not pretty. I'm a middle-aged woman whose looks have never been above average, and I'm basically okay with that now. And besides, no one looks at me anyway. Given my age and appearance, I'm invisible in this society.

Okay, I don't know if that realization was liberating or depressing. Maybe both. Nice to not worry about my looks, kinda sad to be invisible though.

Comments

[denisia.livejournal.com]

IMHO..."pretty" and "average" are so subjective. There isn't one standard for either of those. And we women are so much harder on ourselves than we need to be. If we can be comfortable in our own skins, regardless of how we feel we look, it's a victory. :)

I'm totally like nytshd3 in that I completely tune out those around me. The only thing I notice is if they're too close to me or if they seem dangerous. Other than that? Face? Clothes? I haven't a clue. I could be standing next to Johnny Depp on a line and I wouldn't notice him. :)

[stormkpr.livejournal.com]

I can't seem to get my arms around the subjectiveness of these terms (pretty, average). I realized that perhaps one of the reasons I stopped watching TV is because I just don't want to see how much I don't measure up in terms of our culture's narrow standards of beauty.

P.S. - I saw your post. Had wondered why you hadn't posted for a while. *Hugs* I wish things were better.

[denisia.livejournal.com]

It's sad that we're programmed to buy into those standards, and that it's targeted so directly to women. The people on those TV shows don't even look like that once they get off camera. I remember seeing some study where they interviewed men and women of varying appearance, weight, etc. The men always rated themselves as attractive, regardless of what they had that would not be considered conventionally "handsome" whereas the women consistently rated themselves lower and thought of themselves as ugly, regardless of what positive traits they had. It's hammered into our brains so much, and so often, and it just sucks.

You're the best Stormkpr (I don't know when to use real names or not on LJ, so screen name it is) you can possibly be, and that's all you have to measure up to...really. :) I know it's beyond hard to think that way, though.

Have you seen this website? I like it a lot.
http://www.thebodyisnotanapology.com/

PS Thanks for the well wishes. *hugs* It's beyond grim right now, and I'm probably going to keep disabling comments...all the support in the world won't change a thing at this time.

[stormkpr.livejournal.com]

Very cool website - thanks for the link! Maybe I need daily doses of stuff like that.

PS Thanks for the well wishes. *hugs* It's beyond grim right now, and I'm probably going to keep disabling comments...all the support in the world won't change a thing at this time.

I hear you. I went to my hairdresser to get my gray covered yesterday, and Leo revealed to me that he had fought in Vietnam. (I'd had no idea). He said that when he got home, he was mentally at rock bottom. He said he eventually reached a point where there was simply nowhere to go but up. For whatever that's worth, when I read your comment I thought of what Leo said to me yesterday.

[denisia.livejournal.com]

Thank you again...how neat that your hairdresser managed to pick himself up after that. It's not really what is happening with me--it's more that I'm stressed and depressed because of some very concrete reasons and situations with some very concrete solutions. Things could technically be a lot worse but it doesn't change that things aren't okay, and all of the "I'm praying for you" or "I hope it gets better" can't fix it. I appreciate the goodwill immensely and love my friends but it can't change anything, and it can't fix it even a tiny bit. So I'm honestly just going to either stay away from LJ or disable comments when I'm here.

[denisia.livejournal.com]

And alaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaARAAFDAAA ASAAAASASSSAAAQAWAA

[denisia.livejournal.com]

I have no idea what that above was--my computer clicked on something before I typed. O_o so that wasn't me losing my mind, LOL. What I was trying to type in that box was that I also don't want friends to feel offended or hurt that I seem to be blowing off what they say--it's not that at all.

[stormkpr.livejournal.com]

No prob at all. And just know that I am rooting for you.