Meme

[stormkeeper_lovedoris]

Courtesy of two dear friends:

Leave a comment and I will:

1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, a word etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ. (unless you've already done so...)

Comments

[sarahetc.livejournal.com]

Me three, please.

[stormkpr.livejournal.com]

1. Tell you why I friended you.

Wash/Zoe! I was so psyched, seeing what a great writer you were and how we had this love for FF and Z/W in common.

2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, a word etc.

Torquetum
(Did I spell it right? I should know how, have only read it 10 times...)

3. Tell you something I like about you.

You're a very sharing person. Anytime I have computer questions, which is often, you're always there offering to assist.

4. Tell you a memory I have of you.

Can I borrow your answer? Because I have to kind of answer with "OMG HetCanonMarried!"

5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.

Are you glad you did it? The surgery I mean. Do you ever worry about the long term effects? (Hope that's not too personal)

6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.

I won't be redundent and answer with the "het canon married" one, so I'll say that I love the "effing fly" outtake!

7. In return, you must post this in your LJ. (unless you've already done so...)

[sarahetc.livejournal.com]

You spelled it right. And yes, you can totally borrow my OMG HetCanonMarried memory because that was REALLY FUN.

Am I glad that I did it? I think so. When I think about not having changed the way I have, it makes me sad. On the other hand, I still read a lot about the Fat Acceptance movement and agreeing with them and really believing in what they're saying makes me feel like a nasty hypocrite. So I'm trying to reconcile those two. It's one thing to agitate against fat hate when you're really, really fat. It's another thing to agitate against it when people who know me can think, "She wants people to stand up for fat, but she refuses to live that way?" Except I think that, to an extent, there's a difference between just plain fat and so fat it's beginning to compromise your life. Since I was at the point where it was beginning to compromise, I decided to do it and I don't regret it. Since I doubt I'll ever not be fat (according to rhetoric and the lousy fucking BMI scale), I think I can still play my acceptance card just fine without being a hypocrite. Whether other people think I'm one is not wholly up to me.

As for long term effects, yeah, I do worry. Every time I feel a pain or twinge I can't immediately associate (like I just took too big a drink or something) I wonder if it's something splitting or separating. Not to mention reduced life expectancy: did I trade up (common wisdom would have me believe I did, but I come from fat, long-lived people) or down? Christopher and I are talking more and more about having kids and I worry that I won't be able to create a healthy baby, or nurse it, and that I'll pass on too many of my genes and doom some innocent person to life as a subhuman because he or she is predisposed to fatness. I worry that my hair isn't going to grow back. I worry that I eat too many carbs. I worry that I'm going to hit some bottom point and then snap back like a rubber band and zoom up past my former high weight.

But I'm pretty good at ignoring feelings I don't want to have, so I ignore them. For instance, I could be worried that you'll be cheesed I just wrote a dissertation full of icky honesty in your comments. I'm ignoring that. :D

[stormkpr.livejournal.com]

I really appreciate hearing your thoughts on this. I had been wondering. So I thank you for sharing your viewpoint.

I don't know if this will seem like a good analogy to you or not, but I think I understand what you mean about worrying that you may seem like you're saying one thing but doing another. I've always felt (and said) that women should feel good about ourselves and the way we look and not feel pressured to conform to society's standards of beauty...and yet I had copious hair on my chin and neck and I went ahead and got it lasered off. Can I believe both view points? (Accept yourself as you are! But don't mind me as I endure pain and pay lotsa money so that people won't look at me as if I'm a freak!) But I do think, as you articulate above, that there is some grey area here, as there usually is with everything.

So just wanted to thank you again for sharing how you feel.